


Look Only At Me

by TGIntentX



Series: Robin Romantica [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU, Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Canon Divergence, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Study, Romance, Unrequited Love, characters beating around the bush too much and it stresses the author, too much tags used just to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-01 12:03:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15142676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGIntentX/pseuds/TGIntentX
Summary: Dick feels insecure of being in a relationship with Damian that he failed to realize that maybe the person in question may also felt the same. Despite all his talk about destiny, Damian has been doubting himself from the start, trying to keep himself from falling apart.*As of this story onwards, Damian is now of age and is taller than Dick :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been busy as of late and I have promised to put up the new installment this summer. My posting policy is to have at least 50% of the fic developed before I can post it. I'm not even at 20% and RL is starting to get hectic.
> 
> Hopefully I can finish before summer is over so enjoy!

Damian stared at his opened book listlessly. It's not because the book wasn't interesting. It’s just that he was distracted by a single thought.

Damian Wayne is in a relationship with Dick Grayson.

Such thought shouldn’t be the main reason for this distraction. It wasn’t. He should feel happy since it was all he ever wanted. He had managed to convince Dick into being in a relationship and now they are dating.

But the relationship feels lacking. There wasn’t much hand holding nor kissing. They have been on dates but it feels more as an outing or a hangout. They can’t do any of that freely in public but for some reason it even applies to them at home. If Damian tries to hold Dick’s hand, Dick would slip away easily. If Damian tries to kiss Dick, Dick would have tilted away at the last minute.

They hadn't even have sex since they had gotten into a relationship.

Worst of all, Dick hadn't stop sweating the age difference, occasionally offering to break up. Every time it was brought up, it left Damian wondering if maybe those had been his true feelings. To become brothers again. And that is the furthest thing that Damian ever want.

He's falling in love with someone who doesn't love him back.

No... that couldn't be true. If that were the case, Dick wouldn't have given him a key to his home, right?

Damian sighed. Not getting anywhere with his book, he started to put away his stuff and call it a day. As he was packing, a nearby conversation caught his attention.

“I really don’t want to eat it. Do you want it?”

“Dude, your girlfriend made lunch just for you. Just eat it already.”

“Arrgh… I really don’t want to. Ever since we dated she’s been giving me the same food every day and I am sick and tired of it.”

A lot of stray thoughts passed his mind. Food isn’t allowed in the library but is not strictly enforced. Why couldn’t the guy make his own lunch rather than rely on his girlfriend to provide for him? If he is tired of the food she made, maybe it’s better if the boyfriend makes it himself and stops complaining.

But another thought passed through his head was that Damian had been doing the same thing with Dick. Every time he came over he would make the same thing for dinner. Cabbage stir fry. It was the only thing he was able to make even though he wasn’t very good at it. Half of the fun was to see the same dishes getting better and better. He'd have never considered that it might have been an unwelcome favor.

But Dick didn’t complain about eating it. He always finishes his meals, once in a while complimenting him if he made it particularly good. And Damian would horde those compliments away, encouraging himself to cook better next time.

He must have been blinded by his efforts if Dick didn’t really like to eat cabbage stir fry for every dinner. Maybe he would rather eat other vegetables instead like spinach or broccoli. He could imagine seeing Dick sneaking out eating fast food and then going home disappointed to a meal prepared by Damian.

In his wallowing, snippets of the conversation trickled into his ear.

“I missed my girlfriend making me cookies. Before we started dating, she used to bake a batch of cookies and gives it to me in a little bag. They were so delicious. Madeleine, biscuits, gingerbread… Now she just gives me boring lunch.”

“Don’t you think those cookies she “bake” were store bought cookies instead?”

“Shut up, don’t ruin my fantasy. At least back then there was a variety.”

“Then tell her that you wanted to eat something else or that you don’t like her cooking for you.”

“And make her cry and hurt her feelings?! Are you trying to get her to break up with me?!”

The two people talking behind Damian were getting off track but a thought stayed with him as he left the library.

 

* * *

 

Damian returns to Dick’s apartment after stopping by a grocery store. Going into the kitchen he takes out all of the ingredients he bought and places them on the counter. Eggs, milk, flour, etc.

The two imbeciles at the library gave Damian an idea. Dick mentioned that ever since moving out of the manor, he missed eating Alfred’s famous chocolate chip cookies. It was the family’s favorite and Alfred’s cookies are something to be praised. Damian thought it would be a good idea to recreate those cookies and give them to Dick. To show that he was competent in making something other than cabbage stir-fry.

Of course after making cookies he will still prepare cabbage stir fry for dinner. Baby steps, Damian. Baby steps.

It should have been easy; elementary school children had made them in home-ec class, tutorial videos are posted online, and hundreds of cookie recipes are posted on the internet.

When the timer reached zero, Damian carefully pulls out the hot metal tray of freshly baked cookies from the oven and places them on the counter. It seems he had succeeded and this is the first time he has ever baked anything.

He picks up one of the cookies from the tray and gently blows on it. It looks presentable despite the bottom being lightly burned. Not bad for his first batch. He will get better next time.

He takes a small bite to savor the flavor...

And promptly spits it out.

Damian makes a disgusted sound, quickly reaching for a napkin to wipe his tongue clean. The cookie is salty. Really salty. He glares at it before throwing the half–eaten cookie into the trash. He doesn’t understand. How can it taste so salty?

He cast a suspicious glance at the rest of the cookies on the tray and the leftover cookie dough in the bowl. He had a feeling the rest would taste the same.

A doorbell ringing breaks Damian from his glaring contest with said cookies. Making his way to the door, Damian stops in his tracks just about a foot away. Dick is a little early coming home. He wouldn’t have time to clean up the mess he made in the kitchen and Dick would know his horrible failure. Maybe Damian could distract Dick somehow and use the opportunity to clean up his mess. But Dick would notice the smell and ask about it.

Bracing himself he opens the door. In an instant Damian experienced varying emotions ranging from surprise, relief, and confusion.

“Damian? Damn! You sure have gotten big.”

Jason Todd stood in front of him with a duffel bag strapped on his shoulder. Damian was a little surprised yet happy when realized he could meet Jason’s eyes. In the past he had to crane his neck to see him resulting in Jason making fun of his height. He hasn’t seen Jason in quite a while and now he is just as tall as him.

“It's been a while.” Jason smirked. He raises his brow at Damian's lack of reaction. “What? Aren’t you gonna let me in?”

Jason moves past Damian to enter the apartment and dumps his duffel on the sofa. He proceeded to make himself at home; settling on the sofa and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

Jason's crassness for being comfortable in someone else's home has Damian shoot him an irritated yet confused gaze. “What are you doing here Todd?”

“Is it just me or your voice has gotten deeper?” Jason looks up from his phone he had taken out and looks over at Damian who was still standing by the door. “What does it look like? I’m crashing here for the weekend. The real question is; what are you doing here?”

Damian blinks once at the question. Nobody knows that he and Dick are dating and he’s been over at Dick’s place quite often, sometimes spending the night. They never really did anything besides eating dinner and watching a movie. He never had to worry about answering a question like that until now.

But it doesn’t look like he had to answer as Jason makes his own assumptions. “Did Alfred kick you out of the kitchen cuz you tried to burn it down? Is that why you’re covered in flour? Ha!”

Damian looks down at himself forgetting that the apron he wore is covered in flour. Jason's sudden appearance has distracted Damian from what he was initially doing.

Jason gets up from the couch and makes his way to the kitchen. An appreciative whistle is heard when he saw the mess.

“So instead of messing up Alfred’s kitchen you have decided to mess up at Dick’s. Better be careful there, Dick still needs to live here.”

“You know that wasn’t what I was trying to do.”

“Well you never know these days. So, what did you make?”

Damian didn’t have to look at Jason’s face to know that he ate the inedible confections.

“Blergh!” Jason makes a disgusted face before spatting out the remains. “That was salty! What did you do?! Use salt for sugar? Did you even measure it correctly?”

“Shut up, Todd!”

Jason takes the rest of the cookies from the metal tray and threw it into the trash. “Well all of these are inedible. Step aside, I’ll be taking over.”

A few minutes later Jason is baking a new batch of fresh cookies while Damian cleans up his earlier mess. After cleaning up his mess, Damian watches Jason move around the kitchen with hidden envy. The way Jason carefully measures the ingredients, the patience and quietness he holds, a man with skill on par with Alfred Pennyworth.

“So you can cook?”

Jason didn't look up from the comment. “Don't underestimate me,” he replied, carefully scopes the cookie dough from the bowl. “I did learn from Alfred, you know.”

When Jason’s batch is finished, he carefully takes out the hot metal tray with oven mittens and places it on the counter. He takes one of the cookies from the tray and offers it to Damian.

Damian glanced at the cookie in Jason’s hand before looking up at Jason who has a smug look on his face. As though expecting Damian to take a bite, he would be disappointed that Damian snatches it from his hand and bites it himself.

Damian chews the cookie slowly, letting the flavors overwhelm his taste buds. He forces himself not to make any remarks or sounds. He swallows the cookie with much reluctance despite the delicious taste. It is much edible than the one he baked.

“Great isn’t it?” Jason takes a bite from a cookie he picks up from the tray. “Course they aren’t anything like Alfred’s but it comes to a close second.”

Damian finishes the cookie a bit too forcefully so he won't have to reply. He grudgingly accepts Jason's skill but he’ll be damned if he ever voice that out loud.

Feeling the weight of his gaze, Jason looks over at Damian curiously. “You got a problem with me, brat?”

Damian looks away. “Why are you staying here?”

Jason raised his eyebrow. “Didn’t I tell you? I’m in town and I’m crashing here.”

“There is always the manor.”

“Not an option.”

“Well you can't stay here because I'm staying here.”

“The apartment is big enough for all three of us. If you're being so anal about it, you can have the guest room. I'll be bunking with Dick.”

Damian stiffened from what Jason had suggested. He hadn't even shared a bed with Dick yet.

The lack of retort had Jason amused, knowing what is going through Damian's mind. “You're still hung up on Dick, aren't you?”

A statement posed as a question. Had he been caught so easily?

Jason scoffed. “Dick is hung up on Bruce and you are hung up on Dick. None of you are that slick because all of you are blinded by this crush of yours.”

He feels a knot of shame and anger at being confronted by someone like Jason. To have it out in the open by someone who should mind their own business.

“Don't make unfounded accusations where you have no valid proof,” Damian snapped.

“Easy there, lil'Wayne,” Jason appeased, puts his hands up mockingly as though he took the hint. “Just making an observation there. Don't worry, I'm not your competition. Falling in love with a guy like him can only lead to heartbreak.”

Damian stops short at his words, trying to process what he meant. “I'm not – ”

“I know,” Jason interrupted. “We grownups realize things that are precious to us after we lost them. The thing is... Dick is an adult but he treasures small moments that mean a lot to him. Like an old record on replay, he's poisoned by a beautiful memory that he can't wake up from. The emotions he feels from his memories, he feels it stronger than any of us that sometimes it determines his actions in the future.”

He's been thinking about it for quite a while. Dick always hold the past as something to be treasured. And sometimes Damian thought that the past is something he couldn't compete against for Dick's heart.

Jason sighed, leaning against the counter with his palms as support. “If you live there as long as I have, you would notice these things,” he said. “I bet Alfred notices these things as well. It started with a lingering gaze or two, the excessive worrying. Maybe a little jealousy. Watching them fall deeper and deeper while the person has no idea. And the whole time you're just; “you poor asshole”.”

“Or at least that's what Tumblr would say,” Jason shrugged. “All that pining makes good material for my stories.”

Damian was about to ask more when the sound of the door unlocking caught his ears. He hears the familiar padded feet walking through the halls, heading for them in the kitchen.

He meets Dick's surprised eyes with his own impassive eyes. “Huh?! What are you doing here?”

“Baking.” Damian and Jason answered at the same time. They both blinked owlishly, glancing at each other before turning away.

Dick makes an amused sound as he walks over to them. “Well I'm glad that you didn't mess up my kitchen – is that cookies I see?”

“Chocolate chip.” Jason offers one up to Dick. “It's actually Damian's idea.”

Dick takes a bite of the cookie from Jason's hand. He makes an exaggerated, appreciative sound as he chews.

“This is so good!” Dick takes another bite from the cookie in Jason's hand. “I missed your cookies, Jason. They're better than the ones I buy from the store.”

A light blush graced across Jason's cheeks, a reaction from either the compliment or Dick's erotic noise, forcing him to turn his head away from the cookies and coughs uncomfortably.

As Damian watches the scene, he unconsciously bites the inside of his bottom lip. The way Dick's shoulders relaxed and replied with a light tone. The way Jason leaned in close without formality. Just watching the two interact makes him feel something in the pit of his stomach. It felt like he's intruding on an intimate moment, with comfortable ease they have with each other.

“So you came all this way to Gotham just to bake cookies?” Dick asked, after finishing the cookie in Jason's hand and takes another from the tray.

“That and I'm crashing here,” Jason offhandedly supplied. “But it seems that I was beaten to it.”

The nervous glance that Dick threw at Damian's direction had Damian narrowed his eyes. His crossed arms gripped his biceps tightly at the reaction. The glance was only a fraction of a second as Dick turns back to Jason.

“Eh? You could have text me earlier.”

“Well I did, didn't you get it?”

Dick takes out his phone to check, scrolling it through. “You sent it like two hours ago. I need more of notice than that.”

“For what? To clean the place up for me?” Jason pointed at himself and adds a coy look. “Awww, you shouldn't have. Anyway I got you something.”

Jason goes to sofa for his duffel bag. Rummaging around, he takes out a book and waves it at Dick.

Dick goes to the living room and takes the book from Jason's hand. “Another one?” Dick said, flipping through the pages of the book. “Thanks. I just love your stories. What's this one about?”

“It's about a man with appearance, family, and education,” Jason explained. “On the outside he has all the qualities that would make everyone jealous. But truthfully he struggles everyday to keep himself from falling apart. Then one day someone shows up in his life claiming it's destiny. How do you think the story will go?”

Damian found himself surprised at Jason's occupation and storytelling skills. He later couldn't help but feel self-conscious that Jason's summary felt like a jab at him. He even caught Jason glancing at him with a knowing look when he finished.

It doesn't seem like Dick noticed anything as he makes an amazed sound. “Woah Jason. The way you tell it just gave me chills. You ever thought about working in theatre?”

“That's more of Alfred's forte than mine.”

Curious, Damian goes over to the pair and takes the book from Dick's hand. He glance at the paperback cover when something caught his attention. “JT Bennett? That isn't your name.”

“No duh.” Jason rolled his eyes. “Ever hear of pseudonym? All great writers have them.”

“Well that's strange considering I have never heard of you,” Damian snarled.

Dick immediately puts himself between the two to prevent an possible fight. “Well I'm sure Jason's books haven't gain their popularity in Australia yet which is why you probably haven't heard about it,” he suggested. “And Jason is a great writer. He only recently started to publish his stories but he's been writing for a long time now. Back in high school he used to – ”

“Uh uh uh,” Jason interrupted. “Demon brat doesn't need to know that.”

“Awww but Jason... if he'd known then–”

“Nope. I got a rep to hold up. I'm starting to regret letting you know about it. Cuz you'd be telling people every chance you get.”

The conversation was lost on Damian as the voices slowly became murmurs. As he watches them, the feeling in his stomach starts to grow. Jealousy he realizes, he wishes he could have their ease and comfort. Jason seems more of  a suitable partner than he could ever be. Competent in cooking, stable occupation, and easy-going demeanor. They look good standing together.

Just watching the two together makes him feel uneasy until he couldn't take it anymore.

“OK that's it. Get out of here, Todd.”

He didn't wait to see any of their reactions as Damian starts dragging Jason out of the apartment. Their protest fell on deaf ears as Damian has a single purpose of getting Jason out of here. He had a bit of a trouble dragging Jason away with that big bulk of his but he somehow manage. He didn't forget taking Jason's duffel bag with him, shoving it against Jason's chest and slamming the door in his face.

Turning around, Damian was faced with a confused and disappointed look on Dick's face. The uneasy feeling is still there. “Damian, what's going on? You shouldn't have done that to Jason.”

After all this time, the fact that Dick is so oblivious has Damian feel pissed off. No matter how clear were his intentions, no matter how many times he has to say it, Dick still doesn't get it. How he feels or what he wants.

Damian quickly corners Dick to the wall, with one arm blocking the way and the other arm holding Dick. He swiftly puts his lips on him, taking all that he can. He could feel Dick surprised at first before resisting, pushing back against his chest. But Damian held on as long as he could. The uneasy feeling was replaced with fireworks exploding behind his eyes and butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

A particular hard push had Damian stumbled back, the uneasy feeling came back with full force. He was out of breath and could see Dick in the same state, his lips bright red. From his lips, Damian's eyes slowly met Dick's eyes and felt the world crashing down.

The look in Dick's eyes filled with anger and confusion followed by his scrunched brows. And under it all he could see fear and pity. He never wanted Dick to look at him like that.

“W–What was that for?!” Dick stammered, his hand tentatively touched his recently kissed lips. “Y–You can't just k–kkiss me like that–”

It's that look again. Every time Damian makes a move of intimacy, Dick always has that look in his eyes. And it drives Damian crazy of not knowing what to do.

“You're my boyfriend,” Damian stubbornly said. “I should have the right to kiss you.”

It was the first time they had actually kissed since being in a relationship. Despite spending so much time together, Damian cares enough to know where the boundaries lie and never cross it. But as time goes on, he feels the distance between them gets wider and wider. Every time he takes one step forward, Dick will take three step back.

Like now when Damian moves to get closer, Dick instinctively shrinks back. Feeling uneasy and helpless after all this time. It hurts him this one–sided love.

“You shouldn't have done that,” Dick said into his hand. “I didn't – you didn't ask for permission – ”

“Well that didn't stop you before!”

The confusion and fear disappeared quickly as Dick's body stiffened and his eyes darkened with memories of hurt and pain. “Damian, stop being childish!” Dick glared. “That's not what I meant – Can we please...”

“Am I that easy to you because you know how much I love you?!”

He doesn't have time to wince at his own words, doesn't care that he's starting to lose eye contact. His pulse quickened as his breath shortened. His composure slowly slipping as all the things he wanted to say finally spilled.

“Stop tormenting me, Dick!” Damian clenches his eyes trying to suppress the emotion building up inside. “Stop playing around with my feelings and pushing me away. Just tell me, please,” he begged. “What am I to you? Why do I feel so out of place? Should I be pitiful of my childish thoughts? Please tell me because apparently I'm not grown up enough to know myself!”

Damian opens his eyes pleading to the other and finds Dick stunned with his mouth open. He's finally fallen apart.

Breathing in deeply, Damian crosses the hall and leaves before his tears can escape him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was in elementary school, I took a Home EC class. One of things we made are cookies. Guess who messed up their first cookies and has since then never bake again


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting right to the conflict

Dick lays on the sofa, holding a book up and reading it. Despite the good story, he wasn't actually paying attention as his mind plague him with troubling thoughts.

After Damian's blowup, he hasn't stop by the apartment this week. He hasn't picked up any of Dick's calls or answered any of his texts. As a last resort he called Alfred asking for Damian's whereabouts. He was relieved when Alfred told him that Damian is staying at the manor.

But the relief was short–lived when Alfred informed him that Damian doesn't wish to speak to him.

Dick lays the open book against his chest and stares up at the ceiling. The thought of Damian not wanting to speak to him is troubling. Damian always pushing for a relationship and now completely cuts himself off. Now he's all alone with his troubling thoughts to keep him company.

He feels confused.

A phone ringing cut his thoughts short, reaching for his phone on the coffee table. “Hello?”

“ _Hey, Dickiebird. You read my book yet?_ ”

“I'm still reading it. So far so good.” Dick smiles at the familiar voice of Jason Todd. “It seems the main character is hesitating about his own feelings. I wonder why he doesn't gather up his courage and move forward.”

He was worried when Damian kicked Jason out of the apartment. Luckily Jason made due and stayed at a friend's house for the time being. But he never went back to Dick's apartment even with Damian gone.

“ _You'll see why soon but I'm glad you liked it_ ,” Jason answered. _“Think you'll add it to your course's reading rec list? Need to make some royalties if you know what I'm saying._ ”

“Don't worry, your book will be a bestseller. I'll need to get the book approved by the department head first but I can rec it to the literature professors. They don't need pre-approval or anything like that.”

A chuckle is heard on the other end. “ _Sweet_. _Just that the editor keeps on changing my manuscript so much that it feels watered down. He always hands them back to me with a goddamn smirk like he knows I can't do anything. Smirking leather fetish giant weirdo! Argh!!_ ”

Dick sighed, putting an hand under his head. “Your editor is just doing his job, cut him some slack.”

“ _I swear he's doing it on purpose because he just loves messing with people including me! I've been writing since high school and earned a literature degree. What does he even know?!_ ”

He tones out Jason's rant about his smirking editor. If it's any consolation, all of the books Jason had published so far are interesting thanks to his editor. They made quite a pair knowing how to get under each others skin.

His mind is brought back to reality when Jason asked him a question out of the blue. “ _How's Damian?_ ”

Dick blinks at the question. “I don't know...”

“ _What do you mean you don't know? He's there besides you, right?_ ”

“No... I haven't seen him all week actually.”

A groan can be heard on the other end of the line. “ _Dick... what did you do?_ ”

Dick frowns as he sits up straight. The book laid on his chest slides down and onto the floor. “What do you mean? I didn't do anything.”

“ _Maybe... maybe that's the problem._ ”

“...what?”

A tired groan is heard on the other end of the line while Dick reaches over to the other side of the sofa for a throw pillow. He hugs it to his chest and returns to his original position just as Jason replied.

“ _Demon brat has been a weird kid since the beginning no thanks to the al Ghuls and Bruce's DNA. It's almost amazing he managed to pass himself off as a decent human being all thanks to you._ ”

Dick scratches his head. “I don't think so... I'm barely around often and I doubt I did anything that would have made a big impact on him.”

His university is located upstate so he only returned to the manor during the holidays and even then he doesn't stay around for too long. Most of his interactions with Damian were usually brief, once in a while took him out to do something fun if he can sneak past Talia.

“ _You may not realize it but you mean a lot to Damian,_ ” Jason continued. “ _It's hard for him to show people how much he cares... I mean he's never baked me or Tim cookies before. Not even for Alfred or Bruce._ ”

“He made a painting for Talia though-”

“ _As an obligation_ ,” Jason stresses. “ _And he's good at it. But baking cookies is out of his element. He's not good at it but he tries just for you. Whatever he did... cuz out of all of us, you understood him the best. Even better than his own parents._ ”

Dick picks at the tassel of the throw pillow held against his chest. He doesn't say anything, honestly wasn't sure what to think about all this.

“ _Look... we all know that demon brat is... overly fond of you (maybe to the point of obsession). I'm not telling you to give in or whatever. Just... give him an honest answer. And whatever answer you give... he cares about you enough to accept it.”_

They both sat in silence to process it all. A little later Jason bids Dick goodnight and hangs up. Long since the call had ended, Dick hadn't moved from his spot on the sofa as he blankly stares at the phone in his hand. He doesn't know what to think.

Not a lot of people know but Damian is a kind person. Because of the front he puts up, underneath it all he is lonely.

Just like his father.

The last thought had Dick sat up straight from the sofa and shakes his head, willing to get rid of the idea from his mind.

Mid–shake, he stopped and frowned. This is the first time he had actually thought about Damian's father. He couldn't deny there are striking similarities with each other. Both of them put up a front they want to present to people and underneath it all they are both lonely. And both of them are two separate people whom Dick loves the most.

Dick slowly pulls himself to his feet, the pillow dropped onto the sofa. He blinks slowly, looking back down and sees Jason's book laid on the coffee table. He picks up the book and walks to the waist-height bookshelf on the other side of the living room, intending to put the book away. He has a whole shelf filled with the books Jason has written.

Just as he places the book in its designated spot, something is occupying its space. Dick picks up the item in question and felt his eyes widened when he took a closer look.

It's the lost watch that Bruce had given him.

When Dick had turned eighteen, Bruce had gifted him the timepiece as his present. Even though at that time their relationship was hostile, Dick always worn the watch wherever he goes. When he lost the watch, he was devastated. He looked for it everywhere and it took a while for him to accept that it was lost forever.

It comes as a surprise to find it in such a place. He brings the watch up closely, found it odd that the watches' crown was pulled out, freezing time. Dick absent–mindedly pushes it in, the watch ticks as time resumes.

Turning the watch left and right, Dick was amazed that the watch is kept in perfect condition. Nothing is broken, not even a speck of dust or dirt in sight. Well maintained and functioning despite all those years lost. His face clearly reflected on the small spotless glass.

Dick sighed, putting the book in its designated place and leaves with the watch in hand. Back then it was probably the most cherished thing he owns. When Damian was younger, he always noticed Damian looking at it whenever he wore it leading him to give Damian a watch of his own.

It was such a waste because Damian isn't a watch person. And the watch he gave him, according to Damian, is considered childish and out of date. In hindsight, maybe he shouldn't have given Damian a glow-in-the-dark watch with a cartoon bat as its face.

Dick muses where he should put the watch as he reaches the bedroom. He hasn't worn watches in a long time and he doesn't feel the need to anymore.

Deciding on a place, Dick goes to his dresser and opens the drawer. The drawer revealed a small black box lying in the middle. His heart felt heavy as he puts down the watch and picks up the box. Opening it reveals a small diamond ring.

The ring that he was supposed to propose to Barbara with.

He's forgotten about it, the thing that brought so much pain. After Barbara's death he always had the box close to remind him of her. It became part of a regular routine that sometimes he would just stare at it for hours.

He's always held items for their sentimental value than their worth. A naïve way of thinking if he were to think about it. But the items he held most dear; whether it be the watch or the ring, couldn't compare to one another. He found himself thinking about the persons relating to the items become less and less until it just becomes an after thought.

He couldn't wrap his head around the idea. How did he stopped thinking about the two people who meant most to him. When did he stopped thinking about them. Was it when he lost the items?

But the answer came to him and his whirlwind of emotions finally subsided.

Damian.

He was so preoccupied thinking about Damian that he didn't even spare a thought for either Bruce or Barbara. His space is occupied by Damian. His time is occupied by Damian. His _kitchen_ is occupied by Damian.

Damian is all he could think about.

“No... that can't be...” Dick shook his head vehemently. “Why?! Maybe I'm just annoyed because Damian always comes over to bother me and now that he stops...”

Maybe its just brotherly concern of why he doesn't talk. But all of the excuses he could come up with doesn't feel right in his mind. His chest ached when he thought about Damian.

He thought of the day when he accepted Damian to be by his side. He remembered the way Damian's eyes light up, his dark demeanor disappeared, his tension slipped away. He remembered the way Damian hugged him tight not wanting to let him go and his warmth surrounded him making him feel safe.

Dick lets his weight drop on his bed, body and mind exhausted of what they've been through. He felt a weight in his hoodie's pocket, taking it out to reveal his phone. He must have been out of it if he didn't remember pocketing it.

He went to his phone's photo gallery and his eyes widened at the selection. He hadn't realize that he took so many pictures of Damian. Damian reading a book in his guest bedroom. Damian trying to cook dinner with a serious expression. Damian taking a nap in his living room.

His finger scrolled through the pictures, a lot of them are of Damian. It finally stopped when it went back all the way when Damian first came to live with them. All the way from when Damian was a preteen. He remembered how hard it was to take a picture of Damian because he's always frowning. But a frowning Damian is cute even back then.

Dick dropped his phone next to his head and turns around to lay on his chest. He lets out a muffled groan with his face meshed to the mattress. He's in too deep. When did he ever thought of Damian like this?

There isn't a clear reason for why he is being like this. All the troubling feelings tell him nothing else is important. And in his heart, he's already calling out for him.

Dick's eyes strayed over to the photo of Damian in his phone. His eyes softened when he seemed to come to a realization. “I love him.”

 

* * *

 

Dick yawned for the fifth time in a row. He hardly slept at all last night.

After a lot of thinking that involves tossing and turning, Dick needed Damian back by his side. He couldn't confront him at the manor nor at school. The best plan of action is to confront him when he leaves for the library.

Just waiting by his car for Damian makes him feel stalker-ish. He can't believe he's doing all of this just for him.

Dick checks the time on his phone before reaching for his coffee. He groaned when there is barely a drop left. He doesn't want to take the chance of going out to buy another cup if it meant missing Damian.

It doesn't look like he has to wait for long when he sees Damian rounding the corner. Dick could feel his shoulders relaxing when he sees Damian in good health. Dick was about to approach Damian and call out to him when someone beat him to it.

“Damian!”

Dick's eyes widened as a tall red-head approaches Damian. The red-head catches up to Damian and puts an arm around his shoulder as a friendly hug. Damian gave an annoyed look at the red head before shrugging his arm off of him.

It shouldn't irk Dick that much seeing Damian annoyed but he couldn't help but notice the small reactions. The corner of his lips quirked, the second to long gaze, and the slower pace for the other person to catch up. If he were to put an emotion of the gaze that Damian sent at the red-head besides annoyed, it would be fond. He never saw Damian look at him like that before.

It was this that caused Dick to take action. “Damian!”

Hearing his name, the second Damian connected his gaze to Dick his expression turned sour. His shoulders stiffened and his jaws are set. Turning his heels, Damian grabs the red-head by the crook of his arm and goes off in the opposite direction.

“That freakin' brat...” Dick muttered as he goes after them. “He's really avoiding me!”

Dick tries to go after them but he lost them in the crowd. There's too many people around, he couldn't even spot the tall red-head that was with Damian. He tried to go on the lamp post for a better view but all he got are weird looks.

He lost Damian.

He dropped to the ground, clutching his hair in frustration. That's his reason for avoiding him lately; Damian broke up with him and paired himself up with the red-head. That's why Damian turned away when he sees Dick approaching.

Dick tries to calm his breathing, in and out. He can't have a freak out in the middle of the street. He has to calm down before he does anything irrationally because he is a mature and sensible adult. He'll let Damian make all of the excuses he wants before he can call it quits. Because he is the adult and Damian is a spoiled brat.

Dick stopped in his track, finding himself sitting on the city bench. He puts his head in his hands, exhausted. He couldn't believe his own behavior, stressing over Damian breaking up with him. But that wasn't the reason why he wanted to confront him. He just hopes that he could fix whatever is going on between them. And whatever answer Damian has for him, he will have to accept no matter the result.

\--

“Grayson?”

Dick jolted awake to someone tapping on the car window with his head leaning against it. Groaning, Dick turns to the side and finds Damian looking in with an unamused expression. Thankfully he's alone with no red-head in sight.

“Damian? How d'you find me?”

Dick stumbles out of the car while rubbing the sleep from his face. He looks up at the sky and finds it getting dark soon. Initially he was taking a nap while waiting for Damian to come around. Guess he slept longer than expected.

“I recognize your car,” Damian answered with a hidden sneer in his voice. “It hasn't moved since I saw you this afternoon.”

Dick glanced at the car, quickly snatches the parking ticket stuck on the window wiper before Damian could comment on it. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“It's none of your business,” Damian spat. “I'm just busy that's all.”

Dick felt his temper wavered at the sorry excuse. He already made a fool of himself all because of Damian. “Bullshit! You didn't answer my calls or texts for a week. I have to hear from Alfred that you don't want to talk to me. And just now you avoided me, taking that guy with you. So tell me what's going on.”

“Wasn't that the same excuse you used on me?” Damian snarled. “The _None of your business_ or _I'm busy?!_  You avoided me before and I'm just returning the favor.”

“That was before we even got together!” An incredulous expression marred Dick's face as he said it. “So that's it, isn't it? Payback?! That's childish even for you!”

“You're right! It is childish!” Damian yelled. “I'm childish to fall in love with someone who won't love me back!”

Damian's declaration left Dick stunned. He could see Damian's composure cracking once again, opting to look down at his shoes instead of meeting his eyes.

Damian takes a deep breath and calms down before continuing. “You agreed to go out with me just to shut me up. I don't need that. We've never kiss or held hands since being in a relationship. Seeing you with Jason–" Damian's jaw noticeably tightened as he paused to stop himself, and then continued. "Don't you even know how hard it was for me to initiate? All this time I've been thinking what it is that I'm lacking. I don't even know what I can do. Maybe you see it as something trivial but it's a big deal to me! But you dismiss it all just because I'm _young_ or a _brat_!”

Dick flinched, knowing how much he's called Damian out for being young. He hadn't known that's what Damian has been feeling this whole time. He hadn't known brushing away Damian would leave him feel insecure.

“Damian, there's nothing going on with me and Jason... I'm sor–”

“You don't need to apologize!” Damian quickly stops him, shaking his head. “I don't need your pity.”

“It's not that,” Dick moves closer to Damian until he's within arms reach. “I never wanted to hurt you. It was never my intentions to put you through all of this.”

Damian has a hand over his face, his other arm wrapped around his middle. “What do you have to be sorry for? It's not your fault,” he muttered. “Do you not have anything else to say to me other than sorry? I’m your _brother_. You're just indulging your _spoiled little brother's_ whim just because he threw a tantrum.”

He could literally hear the word _brother_ drip with acid. It's the word Damian hated most. A term that Dick had been pushing before they got together. All Dick could do was stare as he takes in Damian as a whole. How Damian holds himself, how he responds, how he's close to losing control. Dick doesn't have a clue on what to do or what to say. All the initial reasons for seeking out Damian in the first place is lost to him.

Damian is in love with him and he couldn't possibly blame him for that, nor be angry with him.

Damian gives a self-depreciating chuckle as he turns away from Dick. “In the end we couldn’t even manage to be a regular couple,” Damian said, looking at his feet. “Some days it feels like you're mine... how childish am I to think such nonsense...”

Dick stays frozen in his spot, watching Damian starts to walk away. Wasn't this what he wanted? For Damian to snap out of his senses and break this ruse.

The uneasy feeling came back the first time Damian had left. Not more than the week ago but the time he planned to go to Australia. But seeing Damian defeated like this hurts even more. He still doesn't know what to do, what he can do. But he knows for one thing is that he loves Damian.

He doesn't want Damian to leave his side.

Dick willed himself to move, striding to catch up to Damian. He caught Damian by the crook of his elbow, staring up into his eyes. The words he was about to say became lost again. If words don't work, then action would work best.

Dick swiftly moves to kiss Damian's lips. No finesse or tongue, contact is all he needs, hoping it would be enough to convey his feelings.

Neither moved until they need to breath. Finally apart Dick looks up at Damian who doesn't look one bit disheveled. He glares down at Dick. “Is this a goodbye kiss?”

Dick blinked and swallowed hard, his face flustered. He gathered all of his courage and said whatever is on his mind. “I need you to go with me somewhere...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it isn't obvious, the red head is a grownup Colin Wilkes


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do enjoy reading the comments. It makes me glad to see you all are invested in their well-being. Does that mean I did a good job?

“ _Thank you for all you have done. You're still young, forget about Barbara and live a fulfilling life... for her sake...”_

_When he thought back about his love, sometimes he thought it was possible to love her more than him. Whether that was the reason why he couldn't forget. Why he couldn't move on. He's not a man with courage to always look forward. Always looking back because that is all he knows._

_He walks through the water while carrying her on his back. He waded until the water stops below his knees. He doesn't care if he feels cold whether from the water or the wind. He doesn't care for the orange sunset glow, blinding him as he looks out into the open. He doesn't care for his own body, tired from carrying the woman on his back for as long as he can._

_All he feels is numb._

“ _I love you,” Dick whispered, looking at the sunset glow. The winds and waves would surely drown his voice but it was heard as a muffled stifle is felt on his shoulder._

“ _You're such a fool...” Barbara hoarsely whispered on his back. “A lovesick fool...”_

_He doesn't mind her response, keeping his eyes on the sunset glow as it slowly slips into the water. He doesn't care how many times he had to say it even though there isn't anything he could have done to stop it. “I love you.”_

_The glow from the sunset slowly fades, their reflection in the water disappears into the dark. It was the last time they will ever see. And just barely above a whisper, louder than any crash of the sea and the howls of the wind._

“ _Thank you for loving me.”_

_\---_

He shouldn't have agreed to Dick's request easily.

The drive took all day. After making a couple of rest stops along the way, they finally arrived at their destination the next day in the late afternoon. Damian had constantly questioned where they were headed for the majority of their trip but Dick's stubbornness won, keeping his lips sealed.

The car slowly came to a stop. Damian slowly wakes, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He winced, his neck tilted uncomfortably at a awkward angle from his slumber. He tiredly glance at Dick sitting in the driver's seat, carefully stretching his arms within the confined space.

“Where are we?”

Dick didn't answer as he exits from the car only to go to the back seat to retrieve a bouquet of white flowers. Damian was surprised when he saw the flowers, didn't know it was there in the first place.

As they left their car, Damian looks around his surroundings. He doesn't recognize the place. The ships tied to their port, the seagulls flying overhead, and the sound of waves crashing. He's not in Gotham anymore. Dick never said anything about where they were going, not even a hint during the whole ride.

He ended up following Dick. They trek up the hill in silence while the sound of nature filled their ears. Tall trees on either side of the path, their branches over cast above them to block the sun. With Dick leading the way, all Damian could do is stare at Dick's back. Occasionally he cast a curious glance at the bouquet in Dick's hand.

Wherever they are is a mystery to Damian, much so of Dick's unusual behavior. But his confusion did nothing to diminish his feelings for the man. He really intended to end things as they were, couldn't bear to confront him. Confront his feelings. Confront his short-comings. He just want to run, drown in the sea at the bottom of the hill.

As they are closer to reaching the top, the trees became less and less. The long branches becomes shorter until finally nothing shields them from the sun.

Damian winced, temporarily blinded by the sun. It took a moment to adjust his eyes, blinking the dark spots away. When his eyes are finally clear, Damian realized where Dick had taken him.

A graveyard.

He didn't know he was out of it until Dick took his hand to lead him somewhere. They stopped at a particular grave, Dick momentarily lets go of his hand to place the bouquet by the tombstone. He was confused until he reads who the grave belongs to.

“Hey, Babs...”

Damian was stunned, instinctively taking a step back. “Grayson, is this some kind of joke?!” he yelled. “Why the hell did you bring me here?!”

To Damian, Barbara Gordon is no stranger.

When he was still living at the manor, Barbara had been an unwanted intruder. Whatever limited time Dick had spent at the manor, it was cut short whenever Barbara stopped by. He saw her quite often, envious at the way she interacted with the manor's occupants so easily.

Even though Barbara may be his rival, Damian had respected her. A strong, motivated woman who knows what she wants. The woman who was the biggest reason for Dick's happiness and sadness.

Not looking back, Dick grabs Damian's hand and tugs him gently until they are standing side by side. Damian was stunned at the feeling, his hand holding his are firm and strong. Stunned by Dick's actions, Damian almost missed hearing what he said.

“Barbara, I love him.”

Silence falls as a strong breeze blew, messing their hair. Damian's breath hitched, hearing Dick said those words. His heart pounding in his chest, the hand held by Dick's loosened. He almost forget to breath. To actually hear him say those words. “W-what?!”

He looked at Dick with shock written on his face, couldn't believe what he just heard. Dick didn't take his eyes away from the grave but the hand that was holding Damian's hand loosened enough for him to let go.

His hand stayed where they belong.

“I was thinking about Damian so much that I almost completely forgot about you,” Dick said to her grave. “And for a moment, I even forgot about him... I never thought it would happen to me before. Never even dreamed about it before...”

Dick sighed, his free hand tucked into his pocket. “You kept saying that I should forget about you, to move on. It was scary with you not here. When you died I honestly thought relationships in general would be healthier if we didn’t believe they would last forever. I guess that's why most of my relationships didn't pan out too well... or well, that I didn't even want to try...”

Damian stared at the grave with unknown feelings he doesn't understand. He felt numb that he unconsciously held Dick's hand in a tigther grip. He could barely register Dick returning the grip with the same amount of force.

“I thought I would spend the rest of my life pining and mourning,” Dick spares Damian a lingering glance. “I'm sorry... I found someone I love even more. He's stubborn, annoying, and even awkward sometimes. He tries to be stoic but I found it adorable. On top of that, he's also a bit of a brat...”

“H-hey!”

Dick gives a sad, fond smile at Damian's interruption, closing his eyes briefly before opening up again. “But lately I found myself going crazy about him. Please forgive me Babs... I can't help but fall in love with him...”

A blush graced Damian's cheeks reach all the way to his ears. He opt to look at anywhere but Dick as his heart pounded loudly in his ears. His hand being held by Dick's feel incredibly warm, he could feel his palms sweating. And try with all his might, he found himself feeling overwhelmed.

“ _Thank you... for loving me...”_

 

* * *

 

They walk in silence as they follow the path to leave the graveyard. Damian doesn't know where they stand. Originally he planned to leave the relationship without saying goodbye. But now he doesn't know what to do.

“Grayson?”

James Gordon stands at the bottom of the path with his own bouquet of white flowers. A father visiting his daughter's grave.

“Commissioner Gordon,” Dick greeted as they stopped besides him. “It's been a long time.”

“I'm retired, Grayson. There's no need to add the title Commissioner anymore.” Gordon adjusted the bouquet in his hands. “Did you have a safe trip getting here? It's not easy coming all the way from Gotham.”

“I managed.” Dick shrugged but mid-way hesitates, looking at his shoes. “I'm sorry... for everything that's happened I– ”

“It's all right, Dick,” Gordon interrupted. “You've done enough. Though I'm happy you still care for her, coming here every year, you shouldn't beat yourself over it. She wouldn't want that. She was the happiest when she was with you and you were like a son to me.”

“Thank you... Jim. But this year is the last for me.”

Gordon looks surprised at Dick's answer before he gives Dick a fond, quiet smile.

Damian could see a quiet understanding between the two men. The two who lost someone precious to them. It's obvious the weight of someone lost still has an effect on the living.

There was a thought in the back of his mind that kept bugging him. He had been overwhelmed by his emotions earlier that he almost missed it entirely. Just like how Dick easily brush him away, all the happiness he had felt earlier quickly vanished leaving only troubling thoughts.

He's been thinking about this for a long time but he knows the difference between moving on and letting go. But for Dick, it is entirely different. Barbara will always be on the back of his mind. Even though he said he stopped thinking about her because of Damian, he's still poisoned by a beautiful memory. And if it's not of her then it's... of him...

How can he get Dick to look only at him?


	4. Chapter 4

It was unexpected that he brought Damian to this place, especially since they were in a rough patch of their relationship. But he felt lighter than he had ever been in months and what's done is done, hoping everything will work out.

It was good to see Gordon again. On her last will, Barbara wanted to be buried on the hills that overlooks the sea. A far cry from being buried in Chicago with her mother or buried in Gotham where she grew up. Complying with his daughter's final wish, Gordon moved to the small beach town after he retired so that he can be closer to his daughter.

“So now you know that there is nothing between me and Jason?” Dick unsurely said as they continue back down the path. Occasionally he throws nervous glances at Damian whose supporting an uninterested, looking anywhere but meeting Dick's eyes. “Who was the red-haired guy you were with?”

“Colin Wilkes,” Damian answered.

And that's all he would get out of him. Since they left the graveyard, Damian had been silent. It had Dick concerned because he is sure that Damian would have a lot of questions. He doesn't want to pry but he really wants to know.

They spent the rest of the day at the boardwalk overlooking the beach. They bought a snack or two from the food stands to substitute as meals. Damian wouldn't have stand eating like this but he hadn't spoke up. Not even when Dick tried to start a conversation. In the end Dick stopped trying and just enjoy the day by Damian's side.

Slowly the day has already gotten dark. Dick has always been so busy to the point of not knowing how his day passed so it feels like it's been a while since he really looked up at the sky like this. It somehow looks the same even after all these years.

They sat at the bench by the boardwalk in silence, watching the waves crash against the shore. It was only the two of them as everyone went home for the day. Only illuminated by the overhead string lights and the lampposts.

“I think I told you this before but I ran away from home once,” Dick said, finally breaking the silence. “It was one of the biggest arguments that Bruce and I had in our entire life. I managed to make it all the way to the bus station before Alfred brought me back.”

Dick gave a sad sigh at the memory, staring out at the sea. “When Bruce adopted Jason, I was so angry with him. I thought he had replaced me... abandoned me... Jason and I didn't get along in his early years at the manor because of that. When Jason was adopted, Bruce tried to adopt me as well. Like a spoiled brat I threw the biggest fit of my life.”

Dick glanced at Damian from the corner of his eye, waiting for him to speak up. When he didn't say anything, Dick returned his gaze to the sea and continued. “It was actually Barbara who helped smooth things over. It's because of her that Jason and I got along now. I couldn't treat Jason like I treated Tim because it was too late but I still considered him as family.”

It was something he had regretted for a while, treating Jason the way he did. They would have been in a better relationship if only he hadn't let his love for Bruce blinded him. It was Barbara who helped lift his burden and it was Barbara who dumped it all back to him.

“I tried to be the perfect child. Tried not to give him too much trouble. But it was easy for him to ignore me. In the end I did the opposite and look where we are now.” Dick scoffed. “Selfish, isn't it? More than a decade too late but I've never begrudge him for that. If he had adopted me when he first took me in, maybe I would never have develop these feelings towards him. But I know that if he finally adopted me, I will have no chance at winning his heart.”

To finally tell someone all of these things. Even now just looking back, he felt like he still wants to cry. Of all the heartache and sadness he suffered, there was good in it too. He just wasn't able to see it until the clouds overhead finally moved away.

But it doesn't seem like Damian felt the same as he abruptly stood up and walks away. Dick was startled but he got up to follow him. He had trouble keeping up with Damian's long stride, almost resorting into a run.

“Damian!”

The orange yellow glow from the artificial lights faded as he followed Damian to the dark beach only illuminated by the moon and stars. Dick crossed the sand, chasing after Damian. The uneven surface and the uncomfortable feeling of sand getting into his shoes did nothing to stop Dick to reach Damian.

Eventually he managed to grab Damian by his arm, finally getting him to stop.

“Dami...”

“I won't go out with you anymore.”

“Huh?” Dick blinked, confused. “What do you mean? Didn't you hear a word I said?”

Damian shrugged his arm out of Dick's grip, facing away from him. “Grayson, you idiot. You just don't get it, do you? How much I love you... t-that's why...”

It could be Dick's imagination but he heard a sniffle above the sound of the waves. His eyes soften seeing Damian's hand reached up to rub his face profusely. All he could see is Damian's back but he could guess what he is feeling.

“I–I can't win,” Damian stammered, his shoulders started shaking. “I can't win against them. They had done so much and you love them even now.”

“Well yeah but– ”

Damian shook his head so that Dick wouldn't interrupt. “I've been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be and I've caused you nothing but trouble,” Damian paused, heaved a breath and his fist clenched at his side before continuing. “A-and I haven't even done anything. I know that what I'm doing i-is selfish and probably ridiculous. But what am I supposed to do? I tried to act smart, cool, and calm like an adult but it's just too hard...”

With only a few casually littered words, Damian effortlessly tugs at Dick's heart strings. To know how much this boy – man before him is thinking all this time. Damian is completely unaware of the way that out of the two of them, Damian is the most mature one in the relationship. If he doesn't mean to, then those words are empty but how can he doubt Damian's intentions when it left him like this.

Dick goes around until he's standing in front of Damian, gently taking the clenched fist from Damian's side and held it in his own. He looks up at Damian whose crying silently into the back of his hand. His shoulders shaking with unwiped tears staining his cheeks. Just the sight of seeing him like this makes Dick want to cry as well.

“Little D, please don't cry...”

A nickname that hasn't been heard for so long. Back when they first became brothers; with fondness and love that came with it still exists today.

The effect is still the same as Damian stopped shaking. He didn't look up but that's good enough for Dick. Dick gently lifts up Damian's clenched fist, turning it over to place something in his palm.

The feeling of metal had Damian partially remove his hand from blocking his sight. His body stiffened when he saw what was in his hand.

“I had a good idea where this had been all along,” Dick said, still holding Damian's hand to steady him. “I don't know what is it that you want. Should I forget about them? To throw these things away?”

“No!” He almost stumbled when Damian abruptly pushed the items back into him. “Don't – Don't you dare - It's not that at all..."

The items in Dick's hand had never felt heavier than before, clutching them loosely against his chest.

"I-it's just – I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me but I can't find the answer!” Both of Damian's hands cover his face as an attempt to hold everything in. His voice became louder as his desperation and sadness bleeds through. “I'm desperate and selfish, and even embarrassing myself,” he heaved in between his response. “But that's all I know. I can't be like them. What can I do to be better than them? How do I fill in this space between us? What do I need to do to stop you from pushing me away? What do I need to do to get you to look only at me?!!”

He didn't noticed the items dropped onto the sand. Overwhelmed by Damian's emotions, Dick could barely feel his own tears sliding down his cheeks. All he could do is stared up at Damian. His tan complexion brightened by the white moonlight shining down; his dark accented eyes, straight jaws; his strong build, tall enough to cover him all.

Dick's body trembled as he closes the gap between them, reaching up for the back of Damian's neck to kiss him on the lips.

He could feel Damian's breath hitched with confusion until he felt him respond. Dick lets go temporarily only to be pulled back in with a hand holding his face and the other holding his hips. His hands formed into a fist on Damian's shoulders to steady himself or else the warmth would consume him. Their tears are mixed together with the sea air to dry on their cheeks.

Dick gently pushes Damian back, knowing they had to stop. He's temporarily blinded by his tears, chuckling sadly into Damian's chest.

“I can't be like them either,” Dick confessed, his grip on Damian's shirt loosened. “I may be an adult but I still don't understand; how much I can call you as mine... But I think I made it clear when I said that I fell in love with you. That you're all I think about.”

Dick moves away from Damian's embrace, his back is turned as he looks out to the sea. The dark waves crashing loudly only illuminated by the moonlight above them reflects the turmoil of emotions in his heart. How can he not be overwhelmed with the way Damian threw everything at him when underneath it all he's scared of what Dick would think of him. The way he acts annoyed but blushes that reach all the way to his ears. Damian tries his hardest and he always thinks the best for him.

How could he not possibly find Damian endearing?

“I'm sorry for pushing you away,” Dick said, staring out to the sea. “For always brushing you off. It's my fault... I'm still trying and it's hard. Most of the time I don't know what to do...” Because with Damian he could never think straight. He failed to realize that he is just as scared of being in this relationship as Damian.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice Damian turning him away from the sea. His head was tucked into the crook of Damian's neck with his arms holding Dick against his chest. Warmth chased away the loneliness of the cold as a heartbeat pounded loudly next to his ear, not knowing whether it is his own or Damian's.

“I don't want to leave you,” Damian muttered into Dick's hair. “I never wanted to break up. I don't know what our future might bring but once I decide on something I can be pretty persistent. I won't let go of you no matter what.”

Dick made an amused sound, so typical of Damian. He could feel the arms holding him getting tighter but loose enough to breath. His arms wrapped on Damian's shoulders, being held against him without the strength to push him away.

Dick turned his head up so he can look at Damian clearly. The darkened sky illuminated only by the light of the moon had Dick feeling breathless again. His tears dried but his eyes glassy as they look at each other with feelings that can not be describe.

“Do you know how thankful I am that someone like you liked me?” he said looking into Damian's eyes. “Because of you I came to know that I am worth someone to love. Whatever you say or think, my feelings for you are still the same.”

All is finally said what lies in their hearts as they stay like this together. The insecurity is still there, lingering in the back of their minds. They both still don't understand, they both still don't know how to feel, but for just this once it should be enough.

_Look only at me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like what I do, kudos and comments are appreciated. There will be 2 more installments for this series but not anytime soon, maybe later this year or beginning next year. Look forward to it and I'll see you next time.


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